Strategise to reach goals

We strategise to define and improve the direction for tactics we will use to reach our goals.

1) Goals
- Goals must be clearly defined.

2) Strategy
- Strategies must be tied to goals.
- Keep strategies flexible - things can be very unpredictable.
- Map out variations of possible strategies.
- Keep a track of assumptions - when they shift, affected strategies should shift too.
- Measure and track the outcome of your strategy.

3) Tactics planning
Tactics are the steps you will take in order to back a strategy - A leads to B leads to C.
- Identify a range of possible tactics - get many points of view.
- Evaluate options and choose the tactics that are likely to yield the best results.
- Back your tactics with research to validate whether they are likely to work.
- Prioritise tactics based on your goals and compile a plan.
- Execute and evolve your plan.
- Keep challenging assumptions made - play devil's advocate.

www.Monkeybiz.co.za - supporting local communities

Should and shouldn't - redefined by leadership

I was just reading this story - in the newsletter of businessmodeldesign - about a business model which successfully challenged the norms about what should and shouldn't be done in business:

"Chef Ferran Adrià started a restaurant called elBulli.

• Customers have to embark on a two hour long journey from Barcelona to the restaurant on a narrow, twisting mountain road.
  
• To make a reservation, one enters into a mysterious reservations system - more like a lottery system.
  
• If you are lucky to win one of the 8 000 available bookings a year, you are given a date and time to show up.
  
• He serves only fifty customers each evening for the six months of the year his restaurant is open.

This is everything other than convenient for customers, violating every common sense marketing rule, such as good location, or listening to the customer. What he did is even the opposite of the new "design thinking" mantra of observing customers and then designing services according to the gained insights - and yet...

His results are most impressive:

• His restaurant is world-famous


• Each year, some 2 million hopeful diners are dying to be one of the lucky few.

Ferran Adrià’s magic and success ultimately lies in creating a unique, innovative, once-in-a-lifetime customer experience.

To pull this off, took leadership! - one of the most under-discussed ingredients of innovation. Other great examples of innovation through leadership include people like Steve Jobs at Apple or Elmar Mock at Swatch in the 80’s."

I am sure that a deeper analysis of their thought process will reveal even more unusual brain waves.

My personal belief about advising others about business ventures or personal issues is never to tell them what they should or shouldn't do, and includes limiting my input to increasing options and assisting with motivation and enthusiasm.

When we learn about what should and shouldn't be done, it doesn't always mean we should or shouldn't do it ;-)

Community Learning Culture

Hundreds of thousands of learners are casualties of ineffective, inaccessible, under-funded, and poorly managed educational systems. Although idealistic and controversial educators and learners are already tackling educational challenges in amazing ways, much more constructive action is required.

This article is about the education of learners of all ages to become what they aspire to be through whatever means made available. What are our aspirations for education? The following points are meant to get us thinking, talking, creating solutions and taking action - envision this:

• Taking up the challenge: Communities are taking on the educational challenge and are making a big difference in their own communities and as far as they can reach, assisting learners in creative, innovative, collaborative ways and sharing their insights with other communities worldwide.
  


• Ignited: In communities, there is a strong desire to thrive and prosper, for social awareness, tolerance, change, self-reliance, sustainability, environmental consciousness, synergetic collaborations, efficiency and achievement of common, as well as individual goals.
  


• Inspiration: Educators are thinking outside the box, are in touch with the real world, and are inspiring their students beyond what is considered typical - enabling learners to make their mark in the world.
  


• Making a difference: Entire communities are making a difference. They are bringing great achievements, and create opportunities for members of the community who aspire to educate themselves further.
  


• Media coverage: Media coverage is highlighting the positive impact of community education achieve all around the globe. Extensive, well structured and concise information about community education solutions are freely available on the internet. Long discussions are summarized - focused onto pivotal points.
  


• A great future: Learners are aware that the 'education system' has a great future in mind for each one of them, providing them with real world knowledge and individual attention where needed.
  


• Empowering: We are making incredible progress by empowering and developing learners and educators and every member of the community and are determined to continue providing them with what they need to grow and develop into life-long self-educators.
  


• Can-do approach: Motivated learners are able to learn no matter what their academic backgrounds are or where they come from and educators and peers are helping them believe that anything is possible.
  


• Imagine: What impact will we have on educational systems if we demanded that our elected leaders send their children to those institutions? It would demand radical improvements and it will inspire them to spend money on and focus on activities that will be in the best interest of themselves and their followers too!
  


• Self-reliance: Learners focus on being transformed into independent learners as soon as possible, and take personal responsibility for their education, by seeking out more opportunities for themselves and others. Self-education is encouraged and rewarded.
  


• Activities: Communities and individuals are investing the time, money, and effort to improve educational systems and are achieving compound benefits. Communities and individuals are changing or improving any conditions that doesn't have the desired impact.
  


• Resources: The required resources - time and money - are made available by leaders, commercial sponsorships and philanthropists to educate learners efficiently and help them become independent learners - self-educators and educators.
  


• Encouragement: Individuals are encouraged to persevere with their education and become what they aspire to be by educators, and the community at large and have many channels for finding assistance with their learning where needed.
  


• Making a Difference: Educators are set on changing or improving the attitudes and lives of learners for the better.
  


• Facilities: Communities are setting up learning centers and sports facilities and investigate how to utilize any underutilized facilities more efficiently.
  


• Independent: Independent learning solutions are providing opportunities to learners and are improved on all the time through input from learners and educators.
  


• Connecting: Educators love what they do and are interacting with learners in a engaging ways, challenging them, making learning fun and relent - teaching them only what they need to know.
  


• Inspiration: Educators inspire learners through their own passions and willingness to learn and explore new possibilities and points of view, which makes learners want to learn more and work harder and be more open minded.
  


• Coaching skills: Learners are taught to actively coach each other within the learning environment, which greatly improve efficiency of education.
  


• Life skills: Learners are able to express their outlook on and expectations from various aspects of life in open discussions, and are provided with constructive input from educators. Life skills activities include developing goal setting, assertiveness, communication skills, negotiation skills, anger and stress management, sexuality, health, safety, cultural awareness, people skills and more...
  


• Mentoring: Members of the community are motivated to provide short-term mentorship interventions to put learners on the fast track towards achieving their goals.
  


• Understanding: Educators ensure that they have a good understanding of each learner's aspirations and expectations, and what life looks like through their eyes. Educators ensure that they understand the backgrounds, challenges and survival strategies of learners.
  


• Critical insights: Learners learn to value their own insights, to challenge their own assumptions, to critically analyse ideas they encounter and to become aware of a multitude of points of view.
  


• Difficulties: Educators assist one another to find ways to get through to learners who have learning difficulties, who have been in trouble with the law or have other circumstances which makes learning difficult.
  


• Counseling: Learners are assisted to overcome any debilitating fears, to come to terms any blows life has dealt them, to build up their self-esteem and belief in their abilities, and are assisted to find answers to their questions about the future and how to achieve their goals. Learners are educated about their behavior and how to improve it.
  


• Open mind: Learners are keeping an open mind to a viewpoint and belief that everyone has the capacity achieve their goals through persistence, learning and practice.
  


• Transform: Educators transform learners through interpersonal activities. Educators empower learners by providing them with knowledge and assignments which give them a voice, enhance their confidence, and help them to be upstanding citizens in the community.
  


• Excellence: Educators encourage excellence and exceptional performance in students and students model their behavior on the expectations of the educators and the community. Learners are respected by educators and they are respected in return.
  


• Community: A sense of community, prosperity, support, wholeness and culture is enhanced and each learner has access to a support network in their community and via the Internet.
  


• Volunteering: Volunteers and funders assist in planning, producing and delivering learning programmes. They teach basic fundamental education at informal group workshops or one-on-one. When learning basic literacy - reading, writing and communication skills - learners of all ages are hosted in the same room and are able to assist/coach one another to grasp new concepts.
  


• Solutions: Creative research is done, bringing thoughtful conclusions, and results in setting up accessible, inspirational learning environments and support systems that work.
  


• Unconventional methods: Educators and learners work towards creating their own educational opportunities, by developing unconventional methods for providing education.
  


• Taskforce: The entire community is tasked in finding ways to reach, retain, motivate and educate learners.
  


• Skills required: Life skills, academic subjects, appreciation for and practice of art, culture and literature, behavioral sciences, media, writing and editing, dancing, martial arts, yoga, sport and more...
  


• Learning-culture: Life-long learning became a culture and ever member of the community is participating, collaborating and reaping the benefits.
  

Challenges

At present, the education-futures of many learners are looking very bleak and there are no quick and easy answers... It takes time and energy to challenge the norms and taking on the challenges. Let's find out what all the challenges are and how we can face up to them:

• Coping or not?: Educational-wise we have to cope with challenges such as:- poor funding and buy-in from leaders, unsupportive and blatantly destructive media, illiteracy, unemployment, poverty, dysfunctional family situations, neglected children, abuse, violence, drugs, school drop-out rates, intractable bureaucracy, cultural issues, gangs, peer pressure, hygiene, safety, environmental challenges, intimidation and aggression towards educators and/or learners.
  


• Underperforming: School systems are deteriorating and unsupportive and are impeding the educational process of hundreds of thousands of learners to crisis proportions. Many are providing inadequate basic skills levels, very low mastery of subjects and are producing more drop-outs than graduates.
  


• Survival mode: Many learners are left to their own devices once they drop out or graduate with inadequate skill levels, and despite the odds actually manage to find ways to survive anyway without a solid education. They are forgotten by a system which failed them, but deserve an opportunity to gain further education made relevant to their needs.
  


• Uninterested: Learners often become disinterested in furthering their education, as in some cases they are skeptical about what an education can do for them if it is not in touch with reality. Some individuals working in low-income jobs, believe that they will never gain another opportunity to learn and do not aspire to gain further education and improve their income.
  


• Street life: Once off the streets, learners might still experience strong peer pressure to fall back into the street life, street gangs, alcohol or drug habits.
  


• Knowledge gaps: Often learners and even educators have extensive gaps in their general knowledge which hamper their progress and effectiveness.
  


• Training educators: There is a growing need for ways to effectively develop educators - educators also need to learn how to question their own assumptions and be more present to the specifics in a situation.
  


• Liberating educators: Many education systems limit the educator, which results in lack of enthusiasm, passion and energy for the task at hand.
  


• Undermining: New educational solutions are often systematically undermined and used as corporate/political pawns instead of focusing on making a difference for as many learners as possible.
  


• Unresponsive: Some learners cannot or do not want to respond to the solutions provided, and there aren't any alternatives available for them - they are difficult to reach.
  


• Bureaucracy: Caring, well-meaning educators are often frustrated by existing systems in their efforts to teach or nurture learners. Educators find it difficult to go against the institution when their job depends on maintaining the status quo.
  

Now, we know a lot about learning, the challenges involved and what a brighter future will look like. Are we doing the best we can or are we just coping? What is the next action we can take?

From world-wide evidence, it looks like we (communities) will have to be the change that we want to see – and non-profit organization structures are ideal vehicles. Let's get involved and get much more great things to happen for learners! Let's take on the challenges of our educational revolution in full force!

Do you perhaps have a list of non-profit organizations working in the field of education which you could send to me? Please send me your insights on this subject.

http://www.earthchildproject.org/

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" - Susan Jeffers.

Fear of rejection is natural, but when it makes us shy away from living fully and exploring great opportunities it can become an invisible force that holds us back.

Negative or irrational thoughts about rejection, make us afraid of being rejected. We might try to avoid rejection in unhealthy ways, which could wear us down and leave us feeling dispirited. If we operate out of fear of rejection, this behavior itself often results in the feared rejection itself.

Fear of rejection is only as powerful as its representation in your mind. By improving our viewpoint of rejection, we have the ability overcome fearing it - by realizing that rejection is a very valuable and enriching experience... Facing rejection masterfully and constructively is one of the most important skills we can acquire in order to achieve personal and professional success.

What is fear of rejection
It is the irrational fear of being rejected by others or being disapproved of for who we are, what we believe, and how we act – as well as a lack of self-acceptance. It persistently inhibits or impede our abilities, interactions and behavior to varying degrees.

• Dependency: When we are over-dependent on approval, recognition or affirmation from others in order to feel adequate, the fear of rejection could become the driving force behind our actions.


• Peer pressure: Fear of rejection is the underlying power behind peer pressure, which makes people act in stereotypical ways.


• Illusion: Our explanation for the rejection is more often than not only an illusion - a story we created by ourselves. In many situations we may be rejected for no reason whatsoever.


• Impersonal: There are hundreds of possible reasons why someone rejects what we present, but is has nothing to do with us personally. Many others in the exact same situation, would achieve the same result. We are not condemned or flawed. The person might need time to get used to the idea presented to them... who knows.


• Unknown: Rejection means that we unknowingly and unintentionally broke the someone's 'rules' so to speak. The facts are unknown and in a different situation, things might have worked out differently – on another day, what you proposed may have been accepted or you may even have received a worse reaction... What has actually happened? The answer is probably one which no-one will ever know for sure. It could have been office politics, someone's everyday modus operandi, was it a bad day? Phase of the moon? Maybe the offering is only temporarily unwanted?

Causes of fear of rejection
We may develop debilitating fear of rejection caused by some of the following experiences:

• Negativity: Someone who indulges in thinking negatively about rejection.


• Family affirmation: Someone who wasn't affirmed in their family during childhood.


• Dysfunctional family: Someone who grew up in a very dysfunctional or abusive family.


• Isolation: Someone who suffered from social isolation at a young age.


• By example: Someone who learned to fear rejection by observing others who fear rejection.


• Self-image: Someone with a debilitating lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.


• Identity crisis: Someone who is insecure in their personal identity.


• Self-worth: Someone who's self-worth depends on whether other people approve of and accept them.


• Generalizations: Someone who believes that if one person rejects 'them', everyone will continue to reject them.


• Emotionally sensitive: Someone who is emotionally over-sensitive may feel devastated if rejected.


• Self-censorship: Someone who sensor themselves and thus inhibit themselves.


• Traumatic rejection: Someone who is deeply scarred by traumatic rejection.


• Numerous rejections: Someone who experienced repeated rejection and has given up trying.


• Irrational: Someone who is unable to think rationally.


• Self-acceptance: Someone who doesn't accept themselves or feels they are not deserving.


• Not accepted: Someone who doesn't have someone who accept them as they are.


• Lack of exposure: Someone who hasn't been exposed to healthy ways of dealing with conflict.


• Dependant: Someone who let others decide for them how to feel about themselves.


• Social skills: Someone who lacks the social skills needed to interact with peers.


• Subconscious: Someone who is not consciously aware that they are acting out of fear.


• Automatic fear: Someone who experiences automatic fear when they anticipate rejection.


• Condition: Someone with a condition that they believe makes them unattractive to others.


• Beliefs: Someone who believes that they are not good enough or that others will laugh at them.


• Self-reliance: Someone who doesn't believe in their own abilities, such as their ability to be self-reliant.


• Achievement: Someone who lacks a sense of personal achievement.


• Success: Someone for whom success became too important.


• Humour: Someone who doesn't have a well developed sense of humour or take things too seriously.


• Opinions of others: Someone who is too dependent on what others think.


• Perfection: Someone who aims for too much perfection.


• Comfort zone: Someone who wants to stay in their comfort zone.


• Holding back: Someone who holds back from experiences because of fear of rejection.


• Not interested: Someone who is not really interested in the things they are pursuing.


• Unknown: Someone who wants to be in control and cannot deal well with uncertainty.


• Worst cases: Someone who's fears have been intensified by expecting 'worst case scenarios' as seen in movies, TV or other media.

Effects of fear of rejection:
When we are driven by the need for acceptance, we operate out of fear of rejection - this could affect our behavior in many destructive ways:

• Cause regret: We may experience regret when we consider what might have been, if only we had the courage to act. If we at least acted, we would know. Chances are thrown down the drain and sometimes lost forever.


• Peer pressure: We may not have the courage to do what we enjoy and be different from others.


• Loss of identity: We may lose our identity by trying to mimic the ways in which others act, dress, think, talk and operate by becoming inauthentic clones.


• Destructive: We may get caught up in a vicious cycle of behaving in destructive ways.


• Choices: We may make inappropriate choices with regards to education, relationships and how we spend our time.


• Escalate: We may be unable to reach our potential, as the fear of rejection becomes more debilitating the higher we set our sights.


• Self-image: We may view ourselves in the negative light of experiencing humiliation, inadequacy, being useless, a loser, not good enough and/or pathetic.


• Dependency: We may hand over the ability to control our lives to others.


• Inhibition: We may find that our creativity, productivity and imagination is inhibited.


• Panic or anxiety: We may experience excessive anxiety or even panic due to automatic negative thoughts.


• Assertiveness: We may lose so much courage, that we display little or no assertiveness.


• Hesitation: Hesitation may prevent us from taking important actions toward success.


• Refuse help: We may refuse or ignore it when others offer help or useful advice.


• Speaking up: We may not speak up for ourselves when our opinions differ from others.


• Socializing: We may feel uncomfortable and nervous around people, especially when meeting people and find it difficult to hold a conversation.


• Risk taking: We may avoid taking risks and lose out on opportunities.


• Integrity: Others will recognize our dishonesty and will find it hard to trust our integrity.


• Habitual liars: We may become habitually dishonest or 'sneaky'.


• Secrecy: We may hide our feelings from others and wear 'masks'.


• Play games: Instead of showing our real feelings, we might resort to playing games with people.


• Passive aggressive: We may resort to passive/aggressive behavior and prevent open communication.


• Anger: We may express our anger about our unfortunate experiences caused by our fear of rejection in unhealthy ways.


• Excuses: We may come up with numerous excuses for not doing anything constructive about our fears or finding alternatives.


• Depression: Our behavior may result in depression and stagnation.


• Inflexibility: We may become obsessed with a particular 'norms' we view as valid, that we may become inflexible and unable to accept the validity of healthier alternatives for behaving.


• Turn-off: Our unauthentic behavior will be detected by others and it may push them away.


• Interpretation: When we avoid someone whom we fear would reject us, it may appear as though we are rejecting them.


• Exploitation: When someone realizes that we are afraid that they will reject us, they may exploit the situation. They may ignore our rights, put us on guild-trips, or apply pressure on us to bend over backwards to avoid rejection.


• Manipulation: Someone might manipulate us to do them favors and once they have no further use for us, they will reject us.


• Taken for granted: Someone might not take us seriously, ignore our input or take us for granted and never allow us into their inner circle.


• Used: Someone might openly reject us once they have used us, especially once we have the courage to confront them about their unfair behavior.

Free yourself
Create new ways of thinking about rejection! Eliminate the debilitating effect of fearful thoughts about rejection by expanding your views of rejection.
What to know and do:

• Self-image: When our self-image is unaffected by other people we don't fear their rejection. The most important person whose acceptance we need, is our own! The most important thing to know, is knowing ourselves! We each need to be secure in who we are and define ourselves via our values, integrity and authenticity. It can be very challenging when external opinions are in conflict with our own, but we must remain true to ourselves, yet willing to grow and develop.


• Imagine things working out: We can change how rejection is represented in our minds! The more we make a point of noticing how things usually respond positively to us, the less we would worry about things going wrong. We can imagine things working out well! Mentally rehearse how things go well in a variety of situations and with various people. Include vivid, enjoyable pictures, sounds, your favorite music, feelings, events, rewards and positive consequences. The mind-power we are creating through our imagination, will stimulate us into action!


• Listen and communicate. Listening to and communicating with others help us to adjust our approach and improve our chances of success. Find out how they prefer to be communicated with.


• Be sensitive: Be sensitive to others and look for signs of receptiveness. In many situations, by behaving sensitively and in a non-threatening way, you will gain a more positive response.


• Start small: To start out, allow your ability to face rejection to develop slowly and naturally by gradually taking up bigger and bigger challenges, without ever holding back due to fear.


• Comfort zone: Debilitating fear is a self-imposed sentence to be locked away in a debilitating prison cell, namely our comfort zone. We can go as far as the cell will allow. Thank goodness that we can set ourselves free to experience everything life has to offer. Get out of your comfort zone - you will grow.


• Take risks: With risk, the thing to remember is that if we take the risk of getting a NO, then we certainly stand a chance of getting a YES!


• Realistic: Are our thoughts realistic? If we entertain more realistic thoughts and more positive emotions, we will not feel so overwhelmed. We cannot assume that our quick, automatic thoughts are realistic, because very often they are not. We could come up with realistic, optimistic and positive thoughts by measuring our fearful thoughts against reality. By being realistic, we can set ourselves free from the distortions that have been introduced into our thinking processes during past experiences.


• Rational thinking: We cannot predict the future, it is out of our control. There are so many arbitrary variables at play, that we do not know for a fact whether we will be rejected. The only way to improve our chances of success is by taking risks, taking action and learning on the go.


• Behavior: We can identify which of our behavior patterns have been affected by fear of rejection by noticing how our behavior is affected when we feel the fear of rejection and we can then also identify healthy, constructive, rational alternatives.


• Interrupt fear: To sustain fear, we have to give it constant, uninterrupted attention. We can remove our attention from fear by thinking of or doing something else which completely remove your attention from fear. The fear we experienced will have been instantly removed.


• Belief: It becomes much easier to face rejection when we believe in what we are trying to achieve and have a deep desire to achieve our goal.


• Self-reliance: Know that you can provide the things in your life that you value - provide the things you want through your own efforts and sometimes with some help of your friends.


• Read body language: Be receptive and notice whether the person is comfortable, has an open posture and is giving you encouraging body language, facial expressions or nods. Make sure that you are sending these encouraging body signals as well.


• Pay attention: Learn about what works and what doesn't by paying more attention to how people around you interact and approach situations.


• Biographies: You can read biographies of successful people to find out what they have learned through rejection.


• Worst case scenarios: We may intensify our fears by imagining worst case scenarios... just keep in mind that normally nothing bad happens when someone rejects us - nothing bad happens...

Thoughts about rejection:
Change your perspective of the fear of rejection:

• Rejection is OK: Rejection isn't a big deal - it is a part of life. We all experience rejection. Accept that some people reject and others will accept - rejection is out of our control. We can built up our ability to be OK with rejection.


• Fear is OK: Realistic fears prevent us from walking straight into potentially hazardous situations.


• Anxiety is OK: A bit of anxiety can help us to perform better, as long as it is manageable and leaves us capable and motivated to pursue our goals.


• Rejection is a point of view: Change what you say to yourself about rejection and make sure it is healthy and useful.


• Rejection is a result: Improve the likelihood of acceptance by being observant and making the best of the aspects you do have control over, such as your approach and being sensitive.


• Rejection is a broken rule: View the broken rule as erasable or repairable, not a final nor a definitive result – it's an opportunity to learn.


• Rejection is an opportunity. Rejection is an opportunity to learn how to better control aspects of your behavior, intelligence and appearance. That person might also put you in touch with other opportunities!


• Rejection is progress: See getting rejected as a form of progress and success. Now take the next step. Choose your next move wisely, and believe in your next approach. Take action and get things done. Keep going at it.


• Rejection is constructive criticism: Look at rejection as constructive criticism and incorporate the cause of the rejection into a plan to evolve.


• Rejection deserves reward: Reward yourself for investing your time into making the effort and for taking action.


• Rejection means it didn't work: What happened was that we took an action which didn’t work.


• Rejection tests deliberation: Express your deliberation by taking the required risks and actions to achieve your goals. The more rejections you collect, the more likely it is that you're making progress.


• Rejection overcomes unrealistic fear: Keep your thoughts about rejection realistic and it will never be scary. Aim for getting rejected. You may get a positive response or you may gain experience in surviving a rejection.


• Rejection provides perspective: Always place more focus on the fact that you tried than on the actual results.


• Rejection should be celebrated: Celebrate the fact that you chose to participate fully in what life has to offer and that you will never suffer from regrets!


• Rejection is relative: By exposing ourselves to rejection, we do occasionally experience pain and discomfort, but we also qualify for all the benefits, the potential wealth, comfort, fun and excitement.


• Rejection is a function of opportunity: We miss 100% of the opportunities we don't take.


• Rejection is a feedback loop: When we strive to find constructive feedback from our rejections, we create a loop for increasing success.


• Rejection requires choice: Even though we can’t control whether or not someone will reject us, we can choose how we react to rejection.


• Rejection makes us flourish: We flourish as much from acceptance as from rejection, whether things work out well or not - the one doesn't exist without the other.


• Rejection is a learning experience: Rejection is an opportunity to learn and it makes us better people. It makes us stronger and teach us some of the most important lessons about life. When we assess what happened, we learn about what works and what doesn’t and this enhances our attitude of wanting to learn more.


• Rejection takes practice: How can we practice getting rejected? By deliberately putting ourselves more often in situations where we interact with others, we improve our chances to face rejection. The more we practice, the more we'll get used to taking risks and dealing with rejection as nothing unusual, keeping in mind that it is only practice. Even if we go out of our way to get rejected, we would probably get unexpected acceptances as well!


• Rejection is a blessing in disguise: Someone's rejection may prevent us from achieving something dreadful. A few days, weeks or months down the line after the rejection, we would feel outright glad that we were rejected.


• Rejection builds our skills: The more we handle rejection, the easier it gets to approach a situation where we may be rejected and the closer we are to overcoming fear of rejection. Each rejection gets easier.


• Rejection requires reflection: For future reference, reflect on past rejections and consider which lessons can be learnt. Discussing these with someone we trust can help us gain insight about any controllable aspects and we can figure out what we can do to improve.


• Rejection brings understanding: By understanding our fear of rejection, we put a big dent in it! The more we learn about and experience rejection, the easier it gets!


• Rejection is impersonal: Do not take rejection personally - it happens to everyone and usually happens due to reasons we are not aware of.


• Rejection has no power over us: By proving to ourselves that we can face up to our unrealistic fears, those fears will eventually lose any power it had over us.


• Rejection means it didn't work: Rejection is the result which helps us to know that our plan didn't work and the plan needs to be adjusted. Plan adjustment is an ongoing process. Think ahead and plan what you are going to do next.


• Rejection is statistical: By knowing the acceptance-rejection ratio, we can increase the odds of acceptance by taking more action!


• Rejection sets us free: Once we are comfortable with rejection and living to the fullest, past acceptances and rejections would have added up to immeasurable joy in our lives.

As we face our unrealistic fears we find that they are nothing to be afraid of. Make the most of your life. Go out and try those splendid things you previously only feared.

Cardio Tennis is awesome

Last night I attended a cardio tennis exercise session hosted by my friend, Grant Williams (www.capetowntennis.com). I was quite reluctant at the beginning, not knowing what to expect, it sounded like death by exhaustion for someone as unfit as me!

He had us sweating within a few minutes but since we were having so much fun, we didn't even care about exerting ourselves so much. He ran us though many routines, which kept it interesting and challenging all the way! The hour went by too fast.

Cardio tennis is like tennis just a lot faster, more fun, and way exiting with music going in the background - also there is no competition, so everyone just plays at their own fitness level. It was also great to meet other fun-loving people.

This morning I feel great, full of energy and stress free! I am considering taking up doing Cardio Tennis on a regular basis.

Thoughts on "Love's Secret" by William Blake

Love's secret

Never seek to tell thy love

Love that never told can be;

For the gentle wind does move

Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,

I told her all my heart,

Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears –

Ah, she doth depart.

Soon as she was gone from me

A traveller came by

Silently, invisibly -

He took her with a sigh.

- William Blake

This poem is very difficult to comprehend and left me with a lot of cryptic clues and questions hanging in the air. The story has many levels. It is about love's secret of romantic attraction. It is also the story about a woman who rejected a man, and he tries to work out what went wrong - one of those things many of us might have experienced in our lives. The poet probably talks about his own experiences and his understanding of how love works. He believes that when he told the woman how much he loved her, it completely scared her off. It portrays his own perspectives, but allows us to see his uncertainty and many alternative possibilities.

It looks like he is contemplating unpredictable impulsive nature of love, fate, predestined love and loss... He finds that it is impossible to describe or define love accurately - it is an invisible thing. Love happens when the people are being natural. Love is natural, silent, gentle and invisible as the wind.

Is it wise to talk about the love we feel? Well, the man wanted/needed to tell her his feelings... and so he did. The poet tells us about how destructive it was when he poured his heart out to the one he loved and thus scarring her off. It seems like he was inspired to warn others about the dangers of professing love.

Love is not something that can be forced, analysed or explained - it could be lost. Love is unlikely to flourish when it is pre-empted or one-sided.

He was contemplating the possible reasons why it didn't work out, it seems like he needed an answer. He wonders if he did something wrong or if she wanted something different or more than what he offered. The man tries to understand the qualities that would attract this woman. The likely qualities are subtlety, independence, personality, experience, confidence, competence, clear intent, sharing... the qualities of a traveller.

Why did she reject him? For some reason, she felt he was not the one for her. Did she reject him gently? Either way, the rejection cut deep and left him confused, bitter and broken hearted. He is forced to move on and live with the memory of what happened. He might have tried to convince her to love him and felt that if he clarified things for her, that she would stay. She seems to find his declaration of undying love unattractive - he probably came across to her as needy, clingy, dependent or manipulative - this turned her off and she left. He regrets telling her how he felt and decides to protect himself in future by not talking about his feelings.

He was looking for the fault in himself, although it was her he could not understand and he received no explanation from her. He still looks back after the fact and tries to figure out what he could have been doing wrong. He seems to struggle to find the truth.

The traveller gets what the first man wanted... why? The man seems to almost admire the way the traveller takes her without making any effort. He might have imagined/portrayed himself as the archetypal traveller to show how he would have done things differently and how he wished things could have worked out differently. The traveller put his love into action, not words - in which case she was swept away with very little effort and wholeheartedly chose to be with him. Love was able to flow naturally. He distances himself from his former self and tells us what he has learnt.

Why didn't it work out? The moral is that there are many kinds of people and many ways of doing things, so be true to yourself, and the worst that can happen is that the person can reject you. After that you learn and life goes on and our experiences change our perspectives.

His apparent mistake left him cynical. His conclusion might be that talking about the love you feel is too difficult, that it is best avoided or that it is better to show your affection in subtle, pleasing ways, because an outright declaration of love is quite scary.

He reminds us of the variables at play in romance, how powerful personality is, how weak statements of love are, how one can become scared by too powerful statements, how we are so unpredictable, how much we need love and crave to understand love and how we can seem desperate and dependant if we are not careful.

In real life, Blake had his heart broken by a marriage proposal turned down. He scribbled the poem in a notebook which he kept with him for many years. The poem had lots of words and lines crossed out and he wrote two alternative last lines.